Love and marriage, love and marriage…….
My dreams when I was a little girl were always revolved around being a wife and a mother. I think a lot of this stemmed from growing up in the loving household of my mother and father. I was dreaming of what I saw lived out in front of me daily. My imaginary play often reflected my family scenario: father, mother, son, daughter. I knew from a young age that one day I wanted to be a wife and a mother.
Eventually all of my dreams began to come true when I married Jake. The back story of Jake and I is a good one ;). It definitely involved it’s fair share of ups and downs, but we made it. Our first year of marriage was wonderful and difficult all at the same time. When you commit your life to someone and begin to live it out, there are a lot of “learning” sessions that come about. You learn not every family out there is just like yours. Not everyone does things the same way you have always done them. Living your life with your spouse is about compromising and blending two separate lives into one. Sounds easy enough, right? Not at all. It is a big undertaking and some marriages never it make it past this concept.
A big issue for me in our early marriage was Jake’s lack of urgency to attend church. It wasn’t Jake’s belief in God, just the church attendance. Jake would occasionally go to church, but the majority of the time I went to church alone. Now go back to my childhood, my dreams were based off of what I was living. I grew up with my Mom and Dad both attending church. There were very few times (if any) that we did not attend church as a family. I always envisioned my family attending church together, but that was not happening. Jake not attending church regularly became a big issue for me. It made me become bitter…..I was bitter toward Jake. I would argue with him to come with me. It lasted our first year of marriage, through the birth of our first son, and into his first year of life. It became a huge touch point for both of us.
I shared our issue with a friend of mine. She is actually my mom’s BFF. She has the most wonderful spirit. Her personality is contagious where ever she goes. She is truly a Godly woman. She lives her life according to His word. My mom and I are very blessed to have her in our lives. When I talked with her about our dilemma she shared with me that different people have different relationships with God. Then, she told me the most powerful statement that I know came directly from God, “Megan, it is between Jake and God, not Megan, Jake, and God.” I instantly got chills all over by body. That was it. God has the power to reach Jake whether he is sitting in a church pew or not. God is Almighty. God is Powerful. God is the ONE. Not me. I did not have a say in this fight. Jake and God did.
All this time I was the root of the problem. I took it upon myself to decide what Jake needed. Jake already had what he needed. He had his belief in God. I was pushing to Jake to do something that he did not connect with. I was doing it for Jake’s salvation, but I was also doing it for my own selfish reasons. I had always envisioned my family going to church together, and when that didn’t happened I tried to make that happen myself. I was seeking my hopes and desires. The more bitter I became and the more I argued, the more I pushed Jake in the opposite direction. I am so thankful that God spoke to me through my sweet friend. I now see the error of my ways.
After nine years of marriage I am at peace with Jake not attending church with me regularly. It is ok for me to have my walk with Jesus and for Jake to have his. I am falling short and growing in my walk of Christianity daily. Through it all, I am more than thankful I belong to Him. I realize God is in control. We do not get to Heaven based off of our church attendance. We get in by accepting God as our Lord and Savior. I am learning to “let go and let God”.
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. ~John 15:5